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  • Writer's pictureGlow

Three Things That Pissed Me Off This Month

The Following list will contain a series of events that have managed to make me want to stand up and kick someone’s ass.

1. When people don’t park between the lines in a handicap parking spot.

I don’t mind sharing handicap parking spaces with other handicap people that have different handicap needs. I just ask for one thing. Don’t invade the already limited parking space. I mean, if there are only four handicap parking spaces in front of the outlet mall and your pearly white BMW is parked slanted in the center parking space you’re intruding on two of the four handicap parking spots, thus making them completely useless. I believe that makes you the spawn of the devil. In other words, thy have no soul.

2. When people don’t move their bags out of the way.

See, I have spent about sixteen years jumping from classroom to classroom. Small, condensed spaces with one too many tables, and one too many students who, for some reason obtain one too many bags. And, there’s always this one pompous, high maintenance, Elle Woods wannabe who decides to place her hella expensive, Stella McCartney bag on the floor for some reason, thus blocking my space. Let the record show this will be the space that I will be sitting in for, let's say, a semester since no one knows what a quarter is. However, this woman has the audacity to scoff at me when she has to move her bag, and it’s like bitch, I’ve been passing through this same spot for three weeks now at the same time, since, you know, we have class together, and for the record, I’ve stepped on dog shit one too many times, so the only one who’s going to end up losing is your pleather bag.

3. When children don’t smile back after staring.

I don't mind that people stare. I don't. Especially small infants who have yet to discover the joys of this world. They're naive to the ways of right and wrong. Children, however, they know shit. They are aware that if they drop their Reptar chicken nugget covered in green Shrek ketchup (yes, these are my memories from the 90's) that they shouldn't pick it up and eat it, and yet, most of them do. Hence, it has also been brought to their attention that staring at strangers with what seems to be both terror and discontent is considered as (shockingly) impolite, and yet, they do. Even when the starer and the staree were the same age I took the high road and smiled, unlike my able-bodied brother who gave them the stink eye. These little demon trolls then made the choice to not smile back. Now, here's why I have a problem with this. Even if I was a furry, nine foot, horned monster if I smiled isn't that the universal sign for a friendly monster like Sully. Isn't that a nonverbal way to say "Sup? I come in peace."? If RoboCop smiled it meant he wasn't going to shoot. I am RoboCop. I am smiling. Smile back dammit.

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