SHUT THE F@#K UP!
I may or may not have thyroid cancer, which in hindsight is the
wussiest type of cancer, but it’s still pretty stress inducing. I’ve been dealing with this for a couple of months but I haven't been wanting to talk about it. Which is why I feel like the last batch of posts haven't really been that good. Besides the fact that I am slightly terrified of gen z-ers cancelling me (as if there is anything to cancel at this point), I’ve been feeling a lot of strong and drastic emotions that I know in the future I’m going to regret expressing presently. That being said, after the week I’d just had... imma choose violence. So let’s begin.
I want to start by thanking my surgeon. Yes, I had surgery... I feel like that’s not the proper wording. So let’s start over. Yes, I was supposed to have surgery and have my terrorist of a thyroid removed, but, alas, because of my condition and my fused neck, I couldn't get intubated. Hence, no procedure. It’s very common for people with SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy...if by this point you didn’t know that, well let’s just hope you’re new here) to stress over the smallest types of surgery because of our breathing complications. But back to the surgeon. I want to thank him because he had the courage to stop the procedure before the shit hit the fan. If you don’t understand why that is a big deal, well, there was a lot of pressure put onto him. And based on my experiences, even though they are our unsung heroes, they (medical proffesionals) have a HUGE FUCKING EGO, which he managed to put aside and I’m probably alive because of that. So thank you. I’m immensely grateful that you listened and valued what I had to say beforehand. You could have done the trach right on the spot, but you knew I wanted to make that choice and you respected that. I’m tearing up as we speak. That being said, this is not what this post is about, it’s about those windbag BITCHES that don’t listen.
Like I said, imma choose violence. I’m not gonna go after the people in the surgery room who tried to softly twist my neck, after I told them it was FUSED more than once, because as I stated before, they are under a lot of pressure. I’m leaning towards “‘I’m giving a big presentation, so I need my glasses, where are my glasses?’, while you’re wearing them” type of reflex. Instead I decided to take this new opportunity of life (am I being dramatic? I guess we’ll never know) to go back and be an obnoxious, grounded, queen bitch in my daily life. I know most of you haven’t noticed, but I’ve been losing my edge since I moved to the island. I’m not blaming my people, I'm just blaming myself for falling for the “I say it as it is” mentality. There is always a little sack of shit (I wanted to use something genderless to be fair) that openly describes themselves as brutally honest. I consider that a new red flag. They’ll usually point out that I curse too much for my image which is why I’ve been overthinking my curse words. They might also devalue my struggles as a disabled woman just because my parents are well off. For some reason, I’ve been letting these kinds of people get to me and I’ve stopped being myself. So here is what I have to say.
What the fuck does that mean!? What is my image exactly? Is that just your sexist, ableist way of saying I’m a disabled female? Cuz last time I checked, Bad Bunny was on the cover of The Rolling Stones and he isn’t Lord Byron...well, similar content, different vocabulary. Regardless, no one’s been giving him shit for cursing. Why? Because he is an able-bodied male rapper so his archetype is expected to curse. Therefore, people eat his shit up (this has nothing to do with Bad Bunny, I actually like Bad Bunny, so don’t come at me). Meanwhile, for some reason, people are having a hard time wrapping their head around a 24 year old (I didn’t forget my age, I actually wrote this before my birthday) disabled female with an attitude. This is because PEOPLE.DON’T.LISTEN.TO.ME.WHEN.I.SPEAK.TO.THEM. So stop projecting this fucking stigma of a hopeless, disabled woman, of a fallen angel, onto me before I open my mouth. Hate to break it to you, but I’m not that great and I might be short tempered. Or I’m probably awesome. Figure it out for yourself. And here is another option, IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU HEAR, AFTER LISTENING, YOU CAN JUST NOT LIKE ME AND KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. I feel like lately this is becoming a foreign concept. “But Glow, you’re bitching about people” you might be thinking. “Isn’t that hypocritical?” Do you see me using any names or destroying their lives for something I did not like? No. So shut the fuck up and put your mask back on.
Now, I’m about to disclose some information that might make me less popular with the younger generations. I’m privileged, I’m a white latina, and my parents are financially stable. They don’t have yacht money but based on my medical state, you can deduce how financially stable. What does that mean? Unfortunately, in the United States being disabled is expensive and I am VERY aware of that. The more disabled you are the more you need to pay for to have a substantial life that lives to par with social expectations. Most of the disabled influencers or advocates that you see have financial assistance coming from somewhere. So, even though we pull off our disability like it just came out of the runway, I hope it is the last damned time that an able-bodied someone diminishes our struggles as disabled women just because we aren’t fully financially independent at the moment. If we decide to have a drink at an expensive bar to treat ourselves and an abled bodied person decides to shame us for it, I think we have the right to tell them to flutter the fuck off. Mainly because this shaming will occur after you tell them that you don't mind paying a little more for accessibility in a very non accessible environment (look up Old San Juan and you will understand). And yet, they will choose to NOT LISTEN TO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING and compete to be more “woke” by diminishing your situation. When in truth there wasn’t a competition to begin with. What’s funny is that when I see that my friends travel to multiple places in a short period of time I don’t question the travel expenses, nor do I question how much a pair of Mickey ears costs in Disney World. So how high does your horse have to be to shit on my parade...see, I’m not using names. That being said, in situations like these I feel so marginalized and ignored that I often prefer to say nothing that I might regret in the future. But that cotton candy wasteland ends now!
From now on, I’m back to saying what I want to say, how I want to say it. That will not be confused with the “I say it as it is” mentality because I do not have the audacity to claim to know what “it” actually is. In other words, I’m always open to at least consider that I may be wrong. I share my perspective and my opinion and whenever people learn to listen then feel free to form a constructive opinion of your own. ‘Till then, I will be here not taking for granted my privilege and pursuing a career that will actually help people, because I will learn to listen.
And that, my friends, is what the world needs at the moment, people who are willing to SHUT THE FUCK UP and listen!