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  • Writer's pictureGlow

COVID Conditioning

Updated: Sep 17, 2021

Do you hear that? In the distance, the sound of everything that we’ve been working on put on hold yet again mixed with a little bit of salt water? Yeah, that's the wave… the next COVID wave. And I don’t know about you but I. Am. Not. Prepared; emotionally I mean. For me, not much has changed. I leave the house once in a while, mainly for doctor’s appointments and to run errands. I’ve gained most of my entourage back, which is nice, but it’s yet to feel the same. The part that really gets me about all this is that people aren’t getting vaccinated. They are eating Takis, which taste like nothing but chemicals (come on we all know they’re delicious trash) but they aren't getting vaccinated. I know these are the same people who claim they don’t have to finish their antibiotics... and that is one of my biggest pet peeves. I know there is a correlation between anti vaccers and those who don’t finish their antibiotics. I CAN’T PROVE IT, but there seems to be a similar necromancy-logic to it on their part.

Let me dumb it down for you. Let’s say you’re playing a video game and the last monster you need to kill requires a killing combination of four sword stabs and three face slaps (clearly I observe video games, I don’t play them). Not finishing your antibiotics would mean that you only stabbed the monster twice and slapped it once. So, while you think you won because the monster is on the ground, as you give your back to it it will rise again, even

stronger and with thicker skin. And yes my friend, this means you might need a new killing combination to defeat it. In other words, every time you don't finish your antibiotics you’re letting whatever is in you get stronger in a sense and essentially that is what’s happening with the new COVID strains.It’s n the same of course, COVID is a virus so you don’t treat it with antibiotics but if it’s not controlled …DELTA. Nonetheless, I’m not here to give you a very weak science lesson. I am actually here putting my pride aside and begging you to please get the damn vaccine. Not because I’ve had three vaccinations thus far but because I’m getting way too acquainted with my family dogs. Let me paint the picture.

Komotu: which loosely translates to “like you”. The whole comedic bit behind his name is supposed to be people asking what his name is and the owner (my brother) saying “like you”. He is a stray, stumpy, black and white, sausage-looking dog with an omega personality. He is such a damn push over (just to clarify, I’m describing the dog not my brother).

Pirula: daddy’s little princess. She is a black and white Yorkie (don’t question me about this, I just say as I’m told) and she was my mom’s birthday present. That being said, as stated before, she is my dad’s pampered little rascal. She does what she wants as she wants even if she weighs less than three pounds… we like her.

Rafi: for me, he’s like the dog version of the Joker. Like, you feel for him but at the same time he is a dick with dead eyes. Rafi is my sister’s Alaskan Eskimo temperamental dog-child, which means that, unlike Komotu, Rafi was actually raised. The way a millennial would raise a child, but nonetheless he was raised. His leading personality trait is that he is neurotic, so he barks. Nonstop. Constantly. All day. Everyday. Which makes the other two buffoons bark, too. But like I said... he’s my sister’s dog-child (cue fake smile here).

Here is the sad part: I feel like Pavlov and B.F. Skinner are running a sick experiment on me where they are conditioning me to get overly excited every time these three motherfuckers start impulsively barking at the door. Their barks would be the unconditioned stimuli because it means that, either there is a package at the door to satisfy my online shopping addiction (thank you COVID lockdown) or I have company. Regardless, I get really excited (aka conditioned response)... until I realize that my emotional state is being determined by three dimwitted dogs who will bark at a dead lizard. You might not have understood half of what I just said, just know it’s kind of pathetic.

There’s no actual point to this blog post, if I’m being honest. I just wanted to connect with the people who aren’t traveling the world at the moment. You know, those who decided to stay put a little longer for the well being of the rest of the world. Those who decided to get vaccinated with the risk of turning into zombies because, well, what’s the point in living in a selfish world. Granted, that does mean they’re going to be sniffing their dog asses as momentary entertainment out of sheer boredom (I mean this metaphorically). So, hey you! How ya holdin’ up?

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