I dare you to disagree with me when I say that society nowadays has a hard time creating true bonds. It has also been brought to my attention that the whole “technology keeping us apart thing” is a pitiful excuse to justify this. Regardless, this fast-paced, no time for creating bonds mentality has really put a damper on my life. Let me explain. For those who are completely oblivious to the SMA Type Two community, my people... okay most of my people, we require constant assistance. Basically, I live the J-Lo entourage lifestyle. (Let the record show that J-Lo will be mentioned more than once in this blog.) I know that sounds like I'm living in an episode of Sex in the City, and I wish that were true, but if anything it's more like being a member of Destiny's Child. I like to think that that I am Beyoncé. For those who are not aware of the history of Destiny's Child, there were a total of nine different members between 1990 and 2000, and it would be obvious to say that the only constants were Kelly Rowland and Beyoncé. This has been my life. A constant shift of women coming in and out, gaining my trust, creating bonds, talking about boys, husbands, and ex-husbands being arrested (yes that's a true story). I trust these women with everything that has to do with me. To paint and more vivid picture: I trust these women with my body. Most of the things you wish no one saw you doing they have seen me doing... get your mind out of the gutter and focus. The point is these women come and embed themselves into my life, and then move on with bigger plans because our community decided that taking care of an old person is a respectable profession, however taking care of a disabled person is more like babysitting. It's a temporary thing.
I understand. For the 16-year-old girl with a physical disability (yes, the one I referred to in my bio) it does feel like a selfish thing to think. For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m referring to the thoughts that flourish when the person who is your hands, feet, and best friend tells you she’s leaving because she’s getting her nursing degree or what not. These thoughts are terrible… like, holy shit, my disabled card isn’t going to excuse me from going to hell, type thoughts. This is because, after being happy for that person due to her life-changing decisions that are going to help her reach what she recently figured out was her dream, you can’t help but feel angry, alone… damn bitch, you feel abandoned. You can’t say it, you can’t show it, so you just leave it there, simmering under your heart, hoping that it never actually gets to touch it. Once immediate response to avoid such pain is to not empathize or interact profoundly with these people. However, “these people” become “your people”. It’s impossible to not to know about the assistant. As the subject being handled, I need to know how the handler thinks in order to establish proper communication, thus creating a pleasant environment for me to live in. I wish I could give the 16-year-old girl a solution, but all I can come up with is some do stay even after they leave. They stick around because they truly valued your friendship and your time, others, you won’t hear about again, however they made you who you are today, and for that, you will forever be grateful.