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  • Writer's pictureGlow

3 Things That Pissed me Off This Month: December

The Following list will contain a series of events that have managed to make me want to stand up and kick someone’s ass.

1. Handicap Parking Spaces

Here's a twist of fate. Usually, I'm mad at the person parked in the handicapped space, however, I have recently noticed the spaces themselves are just crap. They shouldn't be labeled as handicap at all. As we rushed to buy Christmas presents throughout the month my caretaker and I have noticed that there is either a tree, a trashcan, or a ridiculous amount of signs strategically placed where my wheelchair ramp would open. Why is the space handicap at all if I am unable to get out of my car? Do these spaces fulfill some disability needs? I'm sure Todd, the high school football player who broke his leg in a game, temporarily (as opposed to permanently) doesn't have a problem with it, but this is my life. If that was too bitchy I apologize, however, keep your eye out for handicap spots, and you will come to realize that they were probably the remaining space that occurred when someone was dividing the streets into parking spots, and then some sad piece of shit went "well, we could make it handicap" without keeping in mind the massive line of bushes that would prevent my exit in any way shape or form.

2. Wheelchair Tripping

I like to think that I have grown to be quite elegant in my wheelchair, but it does take a lot of precaution and memory. I have developed a sixth sense when if comes to unforeseen changes in elevation. However, when it fails, let's just say, do you remember in middle school when girls started wearing heels, more specifically those who started wearing stripper shoes? They walked really slowly because they knew that they had bitten off more than they could chew and would soon face plant on the floor. Well, I thought that I would never have to deal with that. Tripping was something was never going to cause me any sort of embarrassment whatsoever. I am a fluttering butterfly on wheels, AKA, a petite little drone. Turns out, instead I wheelchair trip. This implies me not remembering that there is a giant slope in the middle of a dark bar. Thus, not planning to strategically and elegantly swoop down it, and making a total, klutzy fool of myself in front of the very attractive bartender. My friends (who did not notice me trip) say that he didn't notice and won't remember, but my memory declares otherwise. Wheelchair tripping also applies to unforeseen potholes in the sidewalk, overly thick rugs in the middle of an important office space, and other ridiculous and unnecessary obstacles.

3. Ridiculous U-turns

Like I have declared before, it is indeed December. I am an island girl. I am not used to cold weather. Regardless of what my pale complexion states to be true, I enjoy the sun. However, I have been here for four years, and every winter my muscles throw a fucking tantrum because it's too cold outside. I can't explain it but if I am outside in the freezing cold my muscles just cramp up on me, and once they cramp up they refuse to obey. So, if my brain is like "hey, right hand I need you to turn right at the next light" my hand is like "Nah, your only options are going left or go forward. If you see me in the street making a ridiculous U-turn on the sidewalk, now you know it's because I needed to go right. Wear mittens you say? Well someone deserves a Nobel prize. I have indeed tried to wear mittens, gloves, and all other hand covering devices, but they are either too heavy or too restricting for me to drive, so I choose to go commando.

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